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Have been worrying about several things lately. Just have this naggy feeling inside me which probably means that I have many things left unsettled. And I’ve been feeling bad about quite many things. Then I realise I just don’t like growing up.
Did a bit of house cleaning with my mum today. As usual, she kept wanting to throw things while I’ll try to keep them. I can even try to retain receipts because they remind me of the events that took place. I really keep a lot of junk. Even my colleagues at work give me plastic bags to keep. I asked my mum who will be the one helping her with house cleaning if one day, I’m not living with them anymore. She said that it will make things easier cuz she’ll just dump everything away.
Had dinner outside with my family. Got to treasure times like these when we can still enjoy good food together. My dad and sister are always bickering over the tiniest things. I just try to make jokes out of their conversations to keep the atmosphere light. My dad is quite childish, always trying to irritate my sis cuz he knows she’ll be pissed. I wonder what kind of relationship they shared in their previous lives to become like this now. Their attacks are really silly. Over dinner, my sis talked about saving money. And her wish to go overseas to study. Tears just welled up in her eyes. I could see it..
I wonder what is going on in my grandmother’s mind. The thing that has been bothering me are the replies she gets whenever she asks a question. The replies she gets are almost always the same , all Uh-s and Orh-s. Our conversations with her barely lasts longer than 3 minutes each time. It is that bad. It’s both the language barrier and her deteriorating sense of hearing. I don’t really know what to do about this. But I’ll be more patient with her.
How is my life going to turn out? Will I be able to keep the things that I have now? I think about the people I care about all the time. Guess I’m just afraid of losing their love for me.
